I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
