If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
how drunk are you?
Several
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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