he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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