I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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