took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
