That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
