The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
