My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
