ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
