WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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