Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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