I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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