I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
