i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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