i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
