Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
