Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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