So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
