I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
