I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
