I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
