he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
