How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
