he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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