I am in a vortex of obligation.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
