Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
