I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
