Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
