I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think my moral compass just broke
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
