If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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