Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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