3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
