It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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