just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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