He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
