I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
