I could make wine with my vomit
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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