He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
