I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
