So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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