I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
