God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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