Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
