I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
