Just took my morning after pill in the library
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
