I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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