If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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