he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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