He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
