Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
