ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
