Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
