I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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