I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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