Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
