i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Randomize
