why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
