Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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