Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Randomize
